how can u be prego again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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