It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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