He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
