Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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