did you get engaged???
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
