you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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