Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
