i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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