Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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