As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
