My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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