I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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