My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
