did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
