i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
