??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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