there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
