matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
