I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
