So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
