she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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