i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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