She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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