woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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