Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
