last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
