I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They have beer where we have blood.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
