I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
