im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
How's work?
Spinning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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