Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
