You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
