Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
