Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
