Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
