think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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