bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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