I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
