I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
