We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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