Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
