Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize