I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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