i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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