I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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