btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
