Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
