Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
