Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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