so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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