Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
