So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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