I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
