I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love you. Go after that dick
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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