I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
