My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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