I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
