doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
