so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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