I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
