I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
