I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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