Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
