If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
