What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
