Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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