FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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