is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
