He uses pillows to masturbate.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
