i permit you to call me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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