He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize