I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have feelings that need drinking.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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