I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
